Our Wet Hot Italian Summer Before Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp

This summer, I was on a sponsored blog trip for Rail Europe, touring Italy and testing out the train systems to share my experience with my lovely readers (coming soon). As my husband and I gear up for the new Netflix series, Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp based on the cult classic, Wet Hot American Summer, we realized not only how much we quote the movie (which is our favorite) but also how many ways we could apply the quotes to different sites and scenes around Italian landmarks and icons.

My name is Katie, I was born on August 18, 1981 the day that Wet Hot American Summer takes place (and for those of you who don’t know the film, Katie is also a main character)

“Katie, why are you doing this?”

I know I usually write about luxury travel but my husband and I had too much fun creating this not to share with other fans.  So, if you’ll please excuse me while I totally geek out… We were so inspired by Italy, “the birthplace of pasta,” that we decided to show you our “Wet Hot Italian Summer” We hope it makes you laugh as much as we did while we were creating it on trains throughout the country (which coincidentally have Wi-Fi–shameless Rail Europe plug, who hosted my trip). If you’re a true Wet Hot fan, make sure you share the love! 

So, “get ready, get set baby…”

Wet Hot American Summer fans (especially Jon, Magida, Cwern, Brian & Spencer),

“This is for you!”

Seize the day, Camp Firewood, because it’s your last.   Coop, do you like watching me and Andy make out? I want you inside me…

Oh, Coop. Look at Abby. Oh, she wants to f#@% me. So help me God. She wants to f#@$ me.

My name is Keith Stack. From Millburn, New Jersey. State bird: The Mosquito.

Excuse me. Could you tell me where I could find the, uh…How do I put this? The, uh, sci-fi, nerdy, indoor kids?    

In the pantry over the sink, right next to my bottle of d!&# cream! Wait. Ignore that last comment. Did you say d*!# cream? No. I said stick team. You know, stickball? Forget about it. Go away! Leave me alone.

Okay, kids. Um, today we’re going to use… some crayons… to make some decorations for the talent show. Where are the crayons? The crayons are…the crayon is right there. We could draw with the markers. Listen, Valerie, I need you to be helpful here, okay? I do not need you to undermine me, okay? …But there’s only one crayon, and it’s brown. There are literally hundreds of colored markers.  Andy? Are you gonna clean that up? Oh, yeah, I will. Uh, I just got… I don’t have time now. Clean it up and come to my office for the meeting. I gotta… Damn!

 “I am not Ruth Buzzi standing here!”

Hey, Andy, can I take out the motorboat and drive around the lake?
– Sure.
Wow! Thanks.  Man, I’d give anything for two minutes in the closet with Lindsay.
What about Katie?
Who?
Excellent. Yeah, you’re not really a slut type. Yes, I am. I love sluts. Sluts rock. It’s just gotta be the right slut.

Botticelli’s Birth of Venus

What about Susie?

Yeah. I could go for Susie. She and I went out my first summer here.

When you were ten?

Yeah, we were ten, but we were into some heavy $#!*.

Did you go all the way?

You bet we went all the way. We went all the way back too. We did doggy style, pony style. Style council. That’s a good band. They’re hot now. Human league. They have some good stuff. League of nations. That brings in the whole thing of united nations. That brings in the whole category of countries. Where to start? Well, the obvious one. The birthplace of spaghetti and pasta, all the oily stuff… Italy.  Do you know what time it is?  Umm, 9:00/9:30

   Andy, where are we going?
To a big, secret pizza party.
Wow! Cool. I love pizza. Beth’s going into town.
Let’s go! Wooooooooooooo!

 It’s always fun to get away from camp, even for an hour.

Wait for me, Abby Bernstein. Wait for me, my darling.

 Wait, wait, wait. I just want to take off my shirt.

I want Victor back. We all want him back, Sammy, but he’s not coming back. My name isn’t Sammy. We’ll die without him. He’s the only one who can navigate the river. I’ll find the son of a gun. I’ll bring him back here if it’s the last thing I do, dead or alive.  

Jo Lo shout out for Wanderlust!     They’re total nymphos! Throw the ball! As everybody knows, today is the big culminating, climactic softball game against evil Camp Tiger Claw. Boooooooooooooooooo!

We’re trying to get our friend McKinley laid. Get McKinley laid!     Capture the flag!     You see? this is us, and we’re traveling around the sun. That’s a 1.3 million mile trip every year!  It’s just barbecue sauce. Come on. I wanna make out. You taste like a burger. I don’t like you anymore.   So, this is where I come when I want to think. Wow! It’s very… Barn-like.  # Day by day # # Day by day # Okay, stop!

I feel like I’m watching regional theater, you guys. God, am I at the Cleveland playhouse or something?

Milan’s Teatro alla Scala

McKinley and Ben! This is for you! It’s a chaise lounge. We didn’t know if maybe you guys already had one. We have the receipt if you do. And I just, I just know that if you gave me a chance, I could make you feel so good. So I’m coming to you, not as your buddy, and not as a co-counselor, but for the first time as a man. A man who loves a woman, and who wants to hold her, and provide for her, and, yes, have sex with her. But, seriously, Katie, I love the way you laugh. And I love the way your hair smells. And I love it that sometimes for no reason, you’re late for shul.

Milan’s Duomo

I put it to you, Camp Firewood, as we spend our last dinner together.  Be proud of who you are! Look at me, ma! I made it! I’m okay!

Leonardo da Vinci’s Last Supper

You are ready to be taught the new way.
Will you help teach me about this… What is it? a “new way”? # Show me the fever # Into the fire taking it higher and higher #   Only Victor knows how to navigate those rapids. We’ve got to find him and get him back to that river. Let’s give a Firewood welcome to Mr. Alan Shemper! Thank you very much. Hello, Camp Firewood. Our first act hails all the way from over in bunk 2. And his name is Roger, the Master Broom Balancer.

Leaning Tower of Pisa

# Day by day # # Day by day # # Oh, dear Lord three things I pray # #To see thee more clearly # # To love thee more dearly # # Follow thee more nearly…

…Well, well, well, I can honestly say that there is no Broadway ditty closer to my heart than the one you just heard, “day bidet.” I went to camp so long ago that I can remember saying…“Sticks and stones may break my bones,” and meaning it!    I went to camp so long ago that f*@#$% Jesus Christ was my counselor!

I hope you like shrimp cocktail, because we want you to be the guest of honor at our wedding next week. We would be delighted. I hope it’s not Jumbo shrimp because I’m allergic to oxymorons.

Listen. Last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic. No doubt about it. But I’ve thought about it, and my thing is this: Andy’s really hot. And don’t get me wrong, you’re cute too. But Andy is like cut… from marble.

(every time I tried to shop…) Katie, let’s go.     Please share the love and let us know your thoughts in the comments!

About The Author

Katie

Katie is a luxury lifestyle expert. She runs luxury lifestyle sites, KatieLara.com and Smartypanties.com. But she's not only a luxury lifestyle blogger, she's also a freelance writer for The Huffington Post, Fodor's, Forbes, Pursuitist, Just Luxe and She Knows. She's also a professional photographer and her photos often appear alongside her writing.